But sometimes, a mother-daughter relationship brings nothing but frustration to either side of this union. Our today’s heroine has experienced a huge disappointment because of her mother’s attitude to her. She told us her heart-wrenching story, seeking some support and advice, and we want to share it with the rest of our readers.
Relationship with her mom has always been like a rollercoaster for the woman.
Rachel, 33, who’s currently living in Kansas, is a woman, who has accidentally found out that her own mother is ashamed of her and doesn’t want to consider her as her own daughter, especially when in public. Rachel wrote a letter to our editorial, where she told us the story of her relationship with her mom. The woman wrote that she and her mom, whose name’s Angela, have been in some strange relationship since the time Rachel was a child.
Angela, who’s now 50 years old, gave birth to her single daughter when she was 17. When Rachel grew up, her mom often told her that it was a real challenge for her to raise a baby and to manage her studies and then work. At the same time, Angela told that she had never even had a thought shat she shouldn’t have given birth at 17. Rachel recalls that her mom had never expressed any regret about having her and treated her with love and care, just like all moms do.
However, the woman revealed that her relationship with her mom wasn’t always stable. Angela would shower her daughter with love, buy her only the best things, take care of her when Rachel was ill, but then she would suddenly change her attitude for the opposite. Rachel recalled that there were times when she felt absolutely abandoned by her mom, as Angela would treat her like an absolute stranger, only taking care of her basic needs, but not showing any interest in emotional contact.
Rachel suspected that her mom was ashamed of her.
The woman goes on with her story, saying that her mom seemed to never agree with her life choices. Rachel works as a secretary in a small company that sells spare parts for vehicles. Angela has always been saying that Rachel should be more career-oriented and get a promotion.
When in public, she liked to exaggerate Rachel’s job achievements and often lied to people about her daughter’s career status, trying to present her like a more successful woman. Rachel says that her mom definitely had her own understanding of “success” and acted like her daughter was not good enough.
The same situation was with Rachel’s private life. Whenever she started a relationship with a man, Angela was there with her advice and criticism. She didn’t approve of most of her daughter’s love choices. Rachel ended up hiding her current relationship from her mom, and Angela was thinking her daughter was single, when in fact, she wasn’t.
All of these made Rachel feel that not only her mom had too ambitious plans towards her, but she was actually ashamed of her daughter. When this thought first came to Rachel’s mind, she simply decided to let it go and accepted her mom’s decisions. But little did she know that the most frustrating revelation was still waiting ahead.
Rachel accidentally found out the most painful information.
Rachel goes on with her story, saying that the most shocking revelation has happened just accidentally. A couple of months ago, she used her mom’s Facebook account. She explained, “I used her account to find a school friend of mine. I had lost the credentials to my own page, so decided I would use my mom’s one, just for the searching purposes. I accidentally clicked on the ‘profile information’ and ‘family’ section. What I saw there, made me cry.”
The woman continues, saying that her mom added her friend’s daughter as her own daughter on Facebook. She writes, “It couldn’t have been a mistake, because my profile was also in her friend list, and she did it on purpose. What is more, I found her friend’s post where they posted a picture of their daughter and my mom wrote under this post that she loved that girl and wished she was her daughter.”
The young woman is now feeling very uncomfortable and totally sad.
Rachel wrote, “As soon as I found out that my mom literally hated the fact that I’m her daughter, I wanted to talk to her. But she said nothing, just pointed out that I shouldn’t have investigated her Facebook page, and that it’s her private thing.”
She now stopped talking to her mom, but at the same time, she feels like she’s doing something wrong. She wrote to us in order to get a piece of advice about her further communication with her mother. And we’d love to share some thoughts on this with Rachel.
We advise you to let things settle down and talk to your mom again.
We’re grateful to Rachel for sharing her story with us. Though we imagine how it feels when you discover that your mom doesn’t want to have you as a daughter, we think you need to talk to her once again.
Do it when emotions get less sharp and when both of you are ready to discuss things without losing your temper. Try to act like your mom’s friend, not like her daughter. Maybe what she’s been lacking all this time is the possibility to open to you about her own difficulties and insecurities. Early motherhood might have taken its toll on her attitude towards you, as she might subconsciously be blaming you of being deprived of many opportunities in her life.
This way or that, finding peace with your mom is the thing that you probably want yourself, as you said you’re feeling uncomfortable about not communicating with her now. We think that you both also might want to apply to a specialist, who’ll help you and your mom reach some understanding and solve the issues that you both have.
And here’s yet another emotional story of a woman, who found out the truth about the real relationship between her mom and her husband.
Preview photo credit Michael Austin / Unsplash
