I’m 39 and my husband Jake is 42. We’ve been married for over 15 years now, and I couldn’t even imagine that our relationship would be shaken by a bold and appalling act of disrespect from the side of my beloved spouse. We’ve been quite happy in our marriage, having cultivated such necessary things as respect, empathy and mutual help in our relationship. Up until recently, I did think that our family was ideal and that nothing could be the reason for a serious argument between us. I was naive.
So, I was 38 at the moment when it all started happening, and my 39th birthday was approaching. Life hadn’t been easy during the past 3 years, I had some serious health issues and my beloved mom passed away when I was 37. So, I basically didn’t have time and desire to celebrate neither of my birthdays during the previous 2 years.
After experiencing so much stress and depression, I finally came to terms with myself and realized I needed some joy in my life. I decided to throw a party for all my family and friends. I was filled with anticipation, eager for a breath of fresh air and some fun with my nearest and dearest.
Although it wasn’t a milestone anniversary, this event felt significant to me. I had been preparing for months for my 39th birthday celebration, and I thought it was significant for Jake. But I was gravely mistaken.
My husband’s ‘work wife’, Sharon, was celebrating her birthday on the same day. She invited Jake and didn’t say a word about me. And then, my spouse deeply humiliated me right before my birthday party. He boldly said, ‘Her birthday is more important to me than yours, because she’s celebrating her 35th birthday, which is more like an anniversary than your 39th. I will attend Sharon’s party, and I hope you’ll respect my choice. I don’t want her to be offended by my ignoring of her big day. When you turn 40, I will be celebrating with you, I promise.
I tried to make Jake understand how important this birthday party was to me. I wanted him to celebrate alongside me, enjoy the festivities, and share in my ‘back to life’ moment. However, he dismissively refused.
Jake said, ‘Sharon is hosting a big themed party for all her colleagues. We have a close working relationship, and it would be a shock for her if I didn’t attend her milestone celebration. Our boss will be there, too, and I know he has something special planned for both of us since Sharon and I work closely together. I can’t pass up this opportunity; you have to understand.’
I was shocked, and Jake’s choice really made me sad. This wasn’t what I expected from a man, with whom I shared the toughest moments during all 15 years of our marriage. This wasn’t the act of love and respect, which I expected him to demonstrate ‘by default’, because this was what every loving spouse would actually do. But he chose to be a good ‘work husband’ and not a good husband.
It hurt so much. But I just smiled and didn’t even try to object. I acted as if everything was fine. I didn’t reproach him or preach him. I just tried to get used to the thought that I’m going to spend that party without my spouse by my side.
So, on my birthday, I was at home, hosting my party. Jake went to his work wife’s event. In the evening, I sent him a text and asked him not to come home tonight, because ’his place is occupied.’
Jake obviously started panicking, as he called me around 20 times. Of course, I didn’t pick up. He then left Sharon’s party and went home to see what was going on. I met him as usual, and I was smiling as if nothing happened. When Jake asked me what was up, I looked him straight into the eye and said, in the presence of all my guests, that he’s no longer my husband.
I said, ’I’m not filing for divorce, Jake. I believe we’re an ideal couple, at least in the eyes of others and on Facebook. But you’re not acting like my husband or my other half, nor are you making choices that benefit me. I respect your desire to be at your work wife’s event, but you also need to respect my wish to do what I want.’
To Jake’s dismay, I pointed at one of the guests. This was George, one of Jake’s best friends. George was helping me with my startup and had been taking an active part in the creation of my small business. So, I introduced George as my ’work husband’, because we did work together and were close, to some extent.
And then I said, ’George is the person who took your place, Jake. He came to my party, and he helped me through so many things. In fact, he was doing for me all the things that you should’ve been doing as a husband. So, I bought a tour to celebrate my 39th birthday, and George agreed to join me. We’re leaving tomorrow in the morning. Nothing personal, my dear, it’s just because I enjoy his company more than yours.’
Jake was furious; he slammed the door and left. I haven’t heard from him in over two weeks, and my mother-in-law recently reached out to tell me that Jake is filing for divorce because I ’humiliated him.’ What should I do in this situation? Am I wrong for teaching my husband such a harsh lesson?
