My In-Laws Expect Me to Pay for My Sister-in-Law’s College-Is This Fair?
I (38F) never thought I’d be writing one of these, but here goes. I grew up on food stamps. Now, at 38, I’m still working overtime to pay off my degree. My SIL is 30, with a trail of unfinished diplomas. Now I’m the villain for not handing over $50,000 for her law school fantasy. “Family supports each other,” my MIL snapped. My husband out of the blue sided with them, leaving me feeling cornered and betrayed.
Some background: I’ve known my SIL, let’s call her Amy, since she was 22. In the eight years I’ve known her, she’s started and dropped out of three different degree programs: psychology, business, and most recently, nursing.
Each time, she claimed it “wasn’t her passion” or “the professors were unfair.” Meanwhile, I’ve been working 60-hour weeks at my accounting job to pay off my own student loans.
Last Sunday, we had a family dinner at my in-laws’. Everything seemed normal until dessert, when 30 YO SIL cleared her throat and announced, “I’ve decided to go to law school!” The table erupted in cheers and congratulations. I forced a smile, thinking, “Here we go again.”
But then came the kicker. She turned to me and said, “And I was hoping you could help me out with tuition. You’re doing so well in your career, and I know you understand the importance of education.”
I nearly choked on my pie. Before I could respond, my MIL chimed in, “Oh, that’s a wonderful idea! You’re so successful now, it would be great if you could give back to the family.”
I took a deep breath and tried to keep my cool, “Amy, I’m happy you’ve found a new interest, but I’m not in a position to fund your education. I’m still paying off my own loans.”
The room went silent. Then my MIL’s face turned red, “How can you be so selfish? Family supports each other. We’ve always been there for you!”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, “I appreciate that, but I’ve worked hard for everything I have. I can’t just hand over $50,000.”
Amy’s eyes widened, “It’s not like I’m asking for all of it! Just… most of it. Come on, you know how expensive law school is!”
I looked to my husband for support, but to my shock, he was nodding along with them. “Honey,” he said, “Maybe we could make it work? Amy’s finally found her calling.”
I stood up, my chair scraping loudly against the floor, “This is insane. I grew up on food stamps. I worked my way
through college. I’m still working overtime to pay off my loans. And now you want me to fund Amy’s fourth attempt at higher education? I’m sorry, but no.”
As I grabbed my purse to leave, my FIL, who had been quiet until now, spoke up, “Wait, there’s something you should know.” He looked at Amy, “Tell her the truth.”
Amy burst into tears, “Okay, fine! I’m pregnant. The father’s not in the picture. I thought if I could become a lawyer, I could provide for my baby.”
I felt like I was in a soap opera. My husband looked as shocked as I felt. Clearly, he hadn’t known either.”
Amy,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, “I’m sorry about your situation, but law school takes years. Have you considered other options?”
My MIL interrupted, “This is why she needs our support now more than ever! You’re going to turn your back on family in need?”
I looked around the room, feeling like I was in the twilight zone. “I need some air,” I said and walked out.
Now, my husband is sleeping on the couch, my in-laws are blowing up my phone, and Amy’s sending me baby name ideas as if I’ve agreed to bankroll her life.
Am I wrong for not wanting to fund my sister-in-law’s law school dream?
